Discover why traditional habit systems fail women. Learn how cyclical planning, biological shifts, and Islamic values can help you create sustainable habits that honor your unique strengths as a woman.
There are hormones and biologically, for another human’s reason, you have to go through all of this emotional mess, and I was just like, okay, I can’t go back. You really think that you are this lone person surrounded by people. That’s our mental projection of how the world works.
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Men and women cannot plan the same way. There are multiple reasons for this, but as a woman who has gone through all stages, I’ve realized that most of the time what you find online are women who are single. This means that when it comes to biology or interrelationships, that’s not it. When you get married, it’s different. When you have kids, it’s different. You’re going through biological differences that make you different.
I didn’t even realize this at first. When I first got married, it was so easy. It felt like me and him were exactly the same—we were functioning the same way. I was getting my money, he was getting his money, and we were both trying to get employed. We were spending money the same way and splitting everything 50/50.
But it wasn’t until I decided to go on a different path—wanting to be an entrepreneur—and then after that having one kid, then two kids, that it set in. It seems like when the biology part of it comes in, that’s when you start realizing it. But even before that, you have periods.
Men are more linear; women are more cyclical. I’m talking about this mostly from a habits point of view. Self-improvement is a factor you have to take into account. So, what does this mean? From the age of 12, once a month, you have a habit that a man does not have.
This is a biological change that causes internal shifts, leading to hormonal changes that impact your emotional state of being. You have more highs and lows. The whole idea of a lunar period—right before the period, PMSing—impacts your habits, your energy, and how you’re able to show up. Meanwhile, a man typically does not have to think about this.
From a young age, this has already started. But due to the prominence of the pharmaceutical industry, you can now take pills and avoid your period. This was something that women naturally experienced, but now it’s seen as a hindrance to her career, her ability to take tests—those tests on your period, oh my God.
You’re in physical pain, taking pills, feeling like you’re “behind.” If this becomes ingrained as a belief, it’s going to shape your identity. If you start believing that being a woman or being on your period is a bad thing, that’s going to affect how you show up. You may start seeing being feminine as a weakness rather than being masculine.
All of these ideologies impact how you show up because they’re part of the Habit Loop. Every single thing you want to do starts from an internal desire—your thoughts, your emotions, your beliefs, and your identity. These are what contribute to whether or not you act in a certain way. But most people focus on the behavior. “What do I do?” Instead, it’s more important to focus on what you think and believe.
You only act because you believe it. For example, I’m not a smoker, so I feel no absence when I’m not smoking. It doesn’t do anything for me. But for someone else, it’s different because their internal state of being is different. Islamically, this relates to the heart. That’s the focus. Other people call it “mindset.” I use both terms.
The biggest problem in the self-improvement field is that you don’t hear this. You only see women who look a certain way and men who look a certain way. I’ve struggled with this and still do. That’s why I’m here. Role models are so important. People you interact with on a day-to-day basis—that’s who would normally be role models. But in today’s world, that’s not reality. We see stories online and believe that’s how the world works, instead of learning from our communities. That’s why I’m online, even though I’d rather not be.
Transformation comes from two things: trial and error or modeling others. That’s how we learn. For me, I follow a lot of white business people—women and men. I’m Western as can be—my ideas, my language—that’s what it is. But I’ve realized that’s not fitting. So, I’ve studied Islamic thought.
I’ve taken classes and, more than that, I’ve made it a habit to read books from timeless scholars. This is my keystone habit. I’ve finished over 100 books in 3 years. I cross-reference secular and Islamic thought, and I’ve noticed contradictions between Islamic beliefs and some secular ideals.
As a practicing Muslim woman, I can’t accept all the ideals being perpetuated, so I’ve had to develop a deeper understanding. One major realization is about male vs. female roles. For example, marriage changes things.
I used to be on top of my game before marriage, but after marriage, you’re connected to another person. My husband and I have been together for 10 years. Relationships aren’t efficient. They’re not optimized—they’re about understanding each other’s differences. For example, I’m an early riser (4 a.m. to 6 a.m.), but he’s a night owl. That’s been the hardest thing.
When you have kids, biology shifts again. I didn’t understand this until I had postpartum depression. Hormones change, and you’re navigating emotional messes for another human. It’s exhausting. But it’s not “me vs. him”—it’s “us together.” Marriage and family are teamwork. We’re interconnected. It’s an Islamic concept—like praying in congregation, giving charity, or building community—you get more barakah when you’re together.
When it comes to habits, women need to plan them cyclically, while men can plan them linearly. That’s the key difference. For example, I have daily habits, weekly habits, and monthly habits. I’ve designed my habit tracker to deal with that reality.
As a practicing Muslim who prays five times a day, I’ve tried every single app, but whenever my period would come, I couldn’t do those five prayers. Do I check them off?
No. I had to do something different. On my tracker, I change the colors. I still check them off because it’s still an act of ‘ibadah (worship) to follow Islamic rulings. But during that week, I do my weekly habits more frequently.
For example, if I’m supposed to do dhikr 100 times daily, instead of counting, I time it for five minutes. It’s adjusted for the cyclical nature of being a woman.
This understanding of cyclical habits has changed everything. It’s why I’m so passionate about creating resources that work for women, not just the generic “self-improvement” model designed for men. We’re different, and that’s okay.
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